I understand that it's often easier to put all of the onus on yourself with this condition, however, there is a disturbing trend that I've noticed in the misophonic community...
The belief that it's only your problem when you're in a serious relationship or marriage. What people don't seem to get is...misophonia is a neurological condition. That is, a medical condition that currently has no effective treatment. There is evidence that misophones have differences in brain structure from "the norm".
If you're married AND think that it's only your problem...did you forget the "in sickness and in health" vow? I'm not going to quote it all verbatim since vows vary from tradition to tradition, and some people create their own. But I'm pretty sure the sentiment is almost always expressed.
The point is...misophonia, being a neurological condition, is an illness. That means, your spouse is ipso facto obligated to find a solution and coping methods WITH you, not just leave you to deal with it alone because ...'hey, it's in YOUR brain, not theirs'.
I'm sorry, but I think that's a really dumb and unhelpful way of looking at it - this 'school of thought' that it's no one else's problem except the one who has it. I have to bite my tongue in the groups that I see this in, due to the rules, but I really have to fight the urge to confront that bullshit. I'm not big on confrontations anyway - hence one reason I opt for avoidance of the sounds/sights that bother me, yet I will in some cases.
As for a relationship, I think it depends on how serious it is.
If you've only been on a few dates or seeing each other for a short time...if they can't understand, show empathy, and refuse to compromise - then it might be better for both in the long run to let them go before you get too attached.
But if you live together, then it's more serious and complicated. In this case, if the partner knew about the issue before taking that big step of moving in, then they need accept that it is their problem too now, albeit on a different level. If they refuse to work with you on it, can't compromise, can't empathize...it's probably not wise to take the next big step and tie the knot.
Unless you're both masochists...
Think it's funny?
It seems that some article writers try to make a mockery of misophonia by using exaggerated images of eating, as if this is the only noise that is bothersome and the triggers are limited to auditory stimulation, along with poorly researched blurbs of information.
At this point, no one can say for sure that it's a mental disorder. They're still researching what causes it, treatments, etc. I think there are psychiatric complications that arise from a lack of recognition, accurate diagnosis, and treatment within the medical community, maladaptive coping methods in part due to the aforementioned, no hope of a cure, and social backlash.
Most people with psychiatric disorders...
Cannot control their emotional responses or behaviors as a result of them. People with misophonia may not be able to control the emotions that come up when confronted with a noise that disturbs us, but we can -usually- walk away or use things like pink noise to mask the sounds.
The emotional response is worse if there is mockery; deliberate exaggeration of the noise, or someone knows it is an issue and does it all the more (which is pretty immature in itself). At that point, it is like a psychological assault.
When you are being assaulted...let's say someone was trying to mug or rape you...would the psychiatric professional community claim it is "abnormal" or the product of a "mental illness" for the one being assaulted to fight back?
Well, this is the same thing, except the assault is on your mind and ears. I don't mean that it can always be considered an assault; only if someone is aware of the issue and continues to do it to be a dick because they're ignorant.
I'm a very calm sort without the intolerable noises and people who do it just to get under my skin. I like to read, paint wooden items (boxes, plaques, etc), and things of that nature. I like to joke around when I'm with people and have a silly sense of humor; I'm easily amused, which sometimes gets me into "trouble" around those who don't understand what's so funny.
One of the few things that I don't find funny are assaults on the psyche - because the health and well-being of the psyche affects everything else in the body, including other people around the one whose psyche is being attacked or injured.
I don't look up to or have respect for anyone who engages in malicious manipulations, brainwashing techniques, psychological harassment, and similar. It's one thing for someone to be "mentally unbalanced" without anyone's "help"; quite another to be a contributor to said imbalance.
Most people with psychiatric disorders...
Cannot control their emotional responses or behaviors as a result of them. People with misophonia may not be able to control the emotions that come up when confronted with a noise that disturbs us, but we can -usually- walk away or use things like pink noise to mask the sounds.
The emotional response is worse if there is mockery; deliberate exaggeration of the noise, or someone knows it is an issue and does it all the more (which is pretty immature in itself). At that point, it is like a psychological assault.
When you are being assaulted...let's say someone was trying to mug or rape you...would the psychiatric professional community claim it is "abnormal" or the product of a "mental illness" for the one being assaulted to fight back?
Well, this is the same thing, except the assault is on your mind and ears. I don't mean that it can always be considered an assault; only if someone is aware of the issue and continues to do it to be a dick because they're ignorant.
I'm a very calm sort without the intolerable noises and people who do it just to get under my skin. I like to read, paint wooden items (boxes, plaques, etc), and things of that nature. I like to joke around when I'm with people and have a silly sense of humor; I'm easily amused, which sometimes gets me into "trouble" around those who don't understand what's so funny.
One of the few things that I don't find funny are assaults on the psyche - because the health and well-being of the psyche affects everything else in the body, including other people around the one whose psyche is being attacked or injured.
I don't look up to or have respect for anyone who engages in malicious manipulations, brainwashing techniques, psychological harassment, and similar. It's one thing for someone to be "mentally unbalanced" without anyone's "help"; quite another to be a contributor to said imbalance.
How I Cope
One thing that has helped is to use other sounds that I either find pleasant (ideal!) or at the very least, tolerable. This isn't possible in all settings and situations, but it seems to work at home, especially while I sleep since others in the household 'need' a TV on all the time and I can hear it through the walls.
Recently, I discovered that one of those sounds is pink noise, which sounds a bit like heavy rain to me. It's not the most pleasant and there are other selections, but it is tolerable and drowns out a lot of the noises that are bothersome. You can find long videos of it on YouTube - this is the one I prefer:
Now, in those other settings...it's really hard at work. Most of the common methods, like walking away, are impossible when you need the job. So each day becomes torture beyond the usual reasons many people begin to hate their jobs.
I can either pretend it doesn't bother me (not very well), start glaring at the noisemaker, send them hostile glances every time they do it, fidget like I'm five, grind my teeth, clench a fist, or just admit that what they're doing is getting on my nerves and can they please stop.
The last is the most ideal, honest, and mature; however, it isn't realistic. Most of those are more reaction than coping and most people don't stop. They mock, call me an asshole, or something of that nature.
So the there seems to be a shortage of healthy coping methods available within certain social contexts and it probably won't change even as misophonia becomes more widely understood. Like many other medical conditions that relate to the emotions, you can bet there will be a stigma.
Others who have misophonia have mentioned using mimicry (this has never brought me much relief) and ear-plugs (they can hurt after a few hours and may induce hyperacusis with prolonged use). Some people have recommended exposure, except if that worked, we would all be cured already.
Recently, I discovered that one of those sounds is pink noise, which sounds a bit like heavy rain to me. It's not the most pleasant and there are other selections, but it is tolerable and drowns out a lot of the noises that are bothersome. You can find long videos of it on YouTube - this is the one I prefer:
Sometimes I will open another tab and play my favorite music with the pink noise on low, so at that point it's just used to fill in the time between song changes or at quieter moments in the music. The only downside to that is I may not hear all of the notes or the pink noise may be too low to drown out the problematic sounds, so I've had to experiment with the right balance on volumes.
It can keep me sane for up to 10 hours; then I have to replay.
Now, in those other settings...it's really hard at work. Most of the common methods, like walking away, are impossible when you need the job. So each day becomes torture beyond the usual reasons many people begin to hate their jobs.
I can either pretend it doesn't bother me (not very well), start glaring at the noisemaker, send them hostile glances every time they do it, fidget like I'm five, grind my teeth, clench a fist, or just admit that what they're doing is getting on my nerves and can they please stop.
The last is the most ideal, honest, and mature; however, it isn't realistic. Most of those are more reaction than coping and most people don't stop. They mock, call me an asshole, or something of that nature.
So the there seems to be a shortage of healthy coping methods available within certain social contexts and it probably won't change even as misophonia becomes more widely understood. Like many other medical conditions that relate to the emotions, you can bet there will be a stigma.
Others who have misophonia have mentioned using mimicry (this has never brought me much relief) and ear-plugs (they can hurt after a few hours and may induce hyperacusis with prolonged use). Some people have recommended exposure, except if that worked, we would all be cured already.
Finally, A Name For It
I know how people feel about labels, being labelled, etc. But labeling an experience or condition is different from attempting to pigeon-hole an individual. I find some relief in being able to put a name something that I've been struggling with since childhood. Moreover, knowing that others are and have been facing this same thing is comforting. I never knew anyone else who got so irate from ordinary, everyday noises.
The condition is becoming known as misophonia. It is also been called selective sound sensitivity syndrome, 4S, phonophobia, and other names, but some of them describe conditions with similar features in that they are related to hearing or sound issues yet have different symptoms, causes, etc. For example, where a Misophonic will have an intense emotional reaction to sounds made by certain sources regardless of volume...someone with Hyperacusis experiences sounds at intolerable volumes. With misophonia, the emotional response stops when the sound does.
Sounds that can cause intense emotional reactions
At the link above, the "trigger" sounds are grouped under the following categories.
Mouth and Eating
Breathing / Nasal
Vocal
Environmental
Body Movement related
Visual (sound related)
Visual (not necessarily sound related)
I experience strong reactions to at least one thing in every category, if not more. I've been having these reactions since I was young - before puberty - and it began with sounds under the first two categories, then more developed from the others as I aged.
Due to the nature of many noises (such as eating and breathing, in particular), there is a feeling of guilt about being unable to filter out these sounds. I'm well aware that the individual can't help making the noise, and also that it's difficult for me to tune it out or not be bothered by it.
When I first meet you and in the first few months of being in each other's presence, I probably wouldn't say anything upon hearing these noises. If only I could keep tuning them out, but to be honest, I don't exactly tune it out. I can't completely. I seem to be hyper-aware of these sounds.
I just find ways of coping until I can be out of range - which is annoyingly long when it comes to sounds that disturb me and frustratingly short when it comes to things I need to hear, like someone trying to discreetly tell me something important at work over another continuous noise.
[Image from Misophonia Institute]
The condition is becoming known as misophonia. It is also been called selective sound sensitivity syndrome, 4S, phonophobia, and other names, but some of them describe conditions with similar features in that they are related to hearing or sound issues yet have different symptoms, causes, etc. For example, where a Misophonic will have an intense emotional reaction to sounds made by certain sources regardless of volume...someone with Hyperacusis experiences sounds at intolerable volumes. With misophonia, the emotional response stops when the sound does.
Sounds that can cause intense emotional reactions
At the link above, the "trigger" sounds are grouped under the following categories.
Mouth and Eating
Breathing / Nasal
Vocal
Environmental
Body Movement related
Visual (sound related)
Visual (not necessarily sound related)
I experience strong reactions to at least one thing in every category, if not more. I've been having these reactions since I was young - before puberty - and it began with sounds under the first two categories, then more developed from the others as I aged.
Due to the nature of many noises (such as eating and breathing, in particular), there is a feeling of guilt about being unable to filter out these sounds. I'm well aware that the individual can't help making the noise, and also that it's difficult for me to tune it out or not be bothered by it.
When I first meet you and in the first few months of being in each other's presence, I probably wouldn't say anything upon hearing these noises. If only I could keep tuning them out, but to be honest, I don't exactly tune it out. I can't completely. I seem to be hyper-aware of these sounds.
I just find ways of coping until I can be out of range - which is annoyingly long when it comes to sounds that disturb me and frustratingly short when it comes to things I need to hear, like someone trying to discreetly tell me something important at work over another continuous noise.
[Image from Misophonia Institute]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)